Rebecca Joy Novell

The creation of a charity, from the very beginning.

Diary Entry 20.10.2014 – Bipolar: The Acorn

Monday, 20th October 2014

When you’re Bipolar, depression never fully goes away.

It’s like an acorn in the core of your body. And for months on end, it may remain an acorn and you barely notice it. Whilst it remains an acorn, you can be happy and productive; your normal self. You are aware the acorn has the potential to grow in to a tree at any time and so you keep an eye on it. But sometimes you are so content that you forget to watch the acorn and it begins to grow.

The next time you go to look at the acorn you realize it has grown in to a sapling. If you choose to prune it, then you maintain that sense of ‘normal’. But sometimes you don’t bother to prune it because it’s so small, you assume it can’t do any damage.

And after a while, the sapling grows in to a small tree and you find yourself more tearful than usual. You are becoming a lot more pessimistic. This is the crucial point in which you must choose to cut down the tree or, as is more common, you forget completely that the tree inside you is the cause of your tears and pessimism. You only remember when it’s branches have firmly wrapped themselves around your wrists, your legs, your throat. You begin to suffocate with depression but because your arms are bound down you have no means to cut down the tree. You know your depression has grown back but you left it too late. The tree has filled every inch of you and you’re never sure if it will ever again let go of you again.

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This entry was posted on 30/01/2015 by in The Beginning and tagged , , , , .

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