The creation of a charity, from the very beginning.
All women know that Mother and Daughter relationships are complicated beasts. My relationship with my Mother is no different.
I won’t go in to the details of it. Especially when hundreds of authors such as Jeanette Winterson and Maya Angelou can articulate the complexities so much better than I ever could. But what I will say is that through all the trials and tribulations- both together and separately- there is nobody in the world who can make me feel love like my Mother. I won’t say any of the cliches such as “she’s my best friend” or “she’s my rock”. No, our relationship is not like that. If anything, she is my companion in a journey that has seen our family torn apart several times over and which has ended with just us two, clinging on to each other for dear life. We’ve been through a war together and we’re both still here.
The pool of love I have for my Mother is bottomless and from that I take great strength.
So this story- my story- of how I’ve changed beyond recognition from when I first began writing this blog, starts on Wednesday 16th January 2013 at 17:45. Below are the notes I wrote from that day:
“Today my Mum was diagnosed with cancer. I sat in the interview room with her as the Doctor broke the news. We had both had our suspicions but hearing a Surgeon say ‘the c word’ has got to go down as one of the worst things I ever hope to hear.
I immediately burst in to tears- which was fantastic considering I was supposed to be there as a source of support. There were lots of ‘whys’ and ‘whens’ and ‘what happens next?’ And today is only the start of what will be a very long journey.
What struck me today, however, was the strength that emanated from my Mother. She has always been a quiet woman, and to an outsider she can come across as timid. But she is so far from timid that it blew me away. She received her diagnosis with grace, poise and a realistic sense of optimism. She did not shed a single tear and even apologized to me for making me upset. She absolutely blew me away.
Her reaction has spurred a new strength in me. We will beat this together.
There is a second notable thing about today. When you receive news that the person you love most in the world is facing death, everything changes. The world becomes a different place. Everything looks the same, sounds the same, but everything is entirely different. When we returned home the house was the same. And it was a normal Wednesday evening. What do we do? We decided to watch the One Show, not that we really watched it; more staring at a screen.
Things are simultaneously in utter chaos and clarity all at the same time. My career ambitions are not the agonizing priority they have been for the last four years. I have a job I love and that is more than enough. My relationship with my boyfriend is not the complex mine-field I thought it was. He was there when I needed him and that was more than enough.
The world is a different place to me today. I am more grateful than ever for the things I have and know that, whilst I cannot take this awful monster from my Mum, it is not something that I will let take her without a bloody hard fight. Tomorrow, I will wake up and be more grateful than ever for having my Mum, with all her strength.
To be continued…